12/6/17 – The Rangers Upset Update, now with 100% more Conspiracy Theories!

It’s my birthday today, so for that reason, all our Rangers news is being combined into one article, and then I’m going to eat some cake and steak, not in that order. You hear that, Shohei??? We have steak here!!

Assuming you care at all about the baseball off-season, this one in particular is interesting for the Rangers, because every little minuscule detail and word can be over-analyzed through the “are they doing this for Ohtani?” lens. A month ago, I was certain that he wasn’t coming here. Today? I wouldn’t say I’m confident about it, but I’m no longer certain he’s out. In today’s Upset Update, we’re going to lean into our conspiracy theories. So put on your tin-foil hat, put your cell phone in the refrigerator, slap some tape on your laptop’s camera, and let’s dig in. It’s the December 6th Upset Update!

1. Anthony Gose
Temperament notwithstanding, Gose has a legitimate chance of helping the Rangers out of the bullpen in 2018, even if he never plays an inning in the outfield. Gose clearly prefers playing offense, but knows that his future will likely be written from 10″ above his peers, since a 100mph fastball shows more promise than a 35 hit tool.
Conspiracy: Texas signed Gose to show Ohtani they were open to the idea of a two-way player. 

2. Mike Minor
His press conference was today, and here’s some video of how it started:

“Mike was really our primary target out of the gate…”
Conspiracy: Never seem desperate when you’re asking the cheerleader to prom, am I right?! 

By the way, if you were wondering the details of Minor’s contract, here they are, per Jeff Wilson of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram:

Mike Minor gets a $1 million signing bonus, $8 million in 2018, $9.5 million in 2019 and 2020. #Rangers

— Jeff Wilson (@JeffWilson_FWST) December 6, 2017

3. Minor’s own words
Yes, I’m reading way too much into this. That’s sort of the theme here. For goodness’ sake, I referenced putting your phone in a refrigerator earlier, so you knew what you were getting into long before you got to item #3. But listen to Minor’s answer about why he chose Texas:

“Very personable”, “family-oriented”, and “JD convinced me they were going to put a winning product on the field, too. I want to come somewhere I’m gonna win, where I’m gonna be comfortable, and it’s gonna be good for my family. I felt like they had all of those.”

Okay, yes, sure. Those are words that you could plug into just about any free agent signing with just about any team.

-BUT-

Check out this list of life goals that Ohtani wrote in High School. Among them: he wants three kids (two boys and a girl). What better place to start a family than a team that is—you heard it straight from Mike Minor—family-oriented?!

Conspiracy: “Hey Mike, when you answer today, in addition to the winning thing, make sure you say something about family. No reason, just… please do that.”

4. Six-Man Rotation
During Yu Darvish’s tenure in Texas, the Rangers never did acquiesce to the starter’s somewhat-persistent hints that he would be more comfortable in a six-man rotation, but both Daniels and Jeff Banister addressed the topic today. Here’s Banister’s answer:

“From day one in the organization…”

I’m not saying it didn’t happen that way. I wasn’t here. But it was an interesting choice of words.

Maybe it did come up on day one. Perhaps as Jeff Banister was just about to put pen to paper, he paused, looked over the contract one last time, and thought to himself, “Hang on, I just need to be certain.” Maybe he then leaned back in his chair, looked at Ray Davis and Jon Daniels, took a deep breath, and said: “One last thing, gentlemen. What are your thoughts on a six-man rotation someday?”

Or perhaps Banister was just trying to carefully measure his words today. Wouldn’t you? I would.

Daniels later had this to add about the challenges of a six-man rotation: “I think that flexibility becomes a key piece, as you look at the roster. Flexibility in our plans, right, so when you have off-days and things of that nature, do you stay with it? Does somebody go to the bullpen for a period? Do you have optionable players on the roster? Flexibility in terms of positional versatility: your position player group. Because if you’re going to have an extra starter, it’s going to have to come out of your bullpen or the position player group, so versatility comes at a little more of a premium there, so those are some of the challenges, from a roster management standpoint.”
Conspiracy: We’ve always been about two-way players and six-man rotations, and what better positional versatility could there be than someone who can pitch and hit? We’re basically an Ohtani-shaped franchise over here.

5. Jeff Banister’s Outfit. I mean, look at that. That’s a camo hat, an almost-camo shirt, and jeans.

Below the frame, Banister’s shoes were also of the almost-camo variety. These aren’t exact, but they’re pretty close.

As Banister made the rounds shaking hands, one media member asked if we had pulled him in straight from hunting. Banister—who just yesterday was in Los Angeles as part of the team’s meeting with Ohtani—paused and smiled knowingly. “You might say that,” he replied.
Conspiracy: What do we know about Ohtani? He’s from a small town, prefers the simple life, and likes steak. What better way to project all those ideals than to roll up to a press conference looking like you came straight from tracking down some fresh venison on the deer lease?

6. Tony Barnette’s return
The obvious answer here is: Tony Barnette is a [either really great (2016) or still pretty okay (2017)] relief pitcher, and a supremely great dude to have in the clubhouse, and that makes him a good fit at the price the Rangers paid for him. There’s really no conspiracy theor—WAIT yes there is.
Conspiracy: Barnette played in Japan and could help Ohtani transition to life in the U.S.

7. Back to the six-man rotation for a minute
No real news here, just one more conspiracy theory
Conspiracy: What if this is also part of a ploy to bring back Darvish ALSO? I did ask about this, and Daniels said he preferred not to comment on specific players. 

8. We were told not to ask any Shohei Ohtani questions
Which makes sense. Ohtani isn’t a Ranger, and neither Banister nor Daniels would want to say anything to jeopardize the possibility of that being the case in the future.
Conspiracy: SEE?! We respect your privacy!! 

9. Joey Gallo and the Impossible Possible.
This has nothing to do with Ohtani, but I broke out some charts after talking to Gallo yesterday.
Conspiracy: Something something hitting, something this is secretly about Ohtani somehow I don’t know it’s my birthday, I’m out of here see you guys tomorrow! I have a steak to get to.

10. EDIT: HOLY CRAP DIANNE, YOU’RE RIGHT.

Levi, one other conspiracy as far as a Japanese connection is the return of one Mr. Colby Lewis.

— Dianne Eulalie (@dxp7) December 6, 2017

Music Recommendation

“Painted Ruins” by Grizzly Bear. I somehow missed this when it came out, so it’s on heavy rotation here now. Start with “Losing All Sense”, in my opinion. It’s ambient enough that you can play it as background music without it screaming for your attention, but good enough that if you focus, it doesn’t become a musical Monet.

Grizzly Bear’s Website