Fatherhood and hockey: Balancing life as a dad while playing in the NHL

Jere Lehtinen was never one for much emotion.

During his 15-season career with the Dallas Stars, the Finnish winger was the consummate competitor and focused on the little things. Things were calm, controlled, and the chaos of emotions might have gotten in the way of success — there were routines that had to be followed, and Lehtinen wasn’t going to stray away.

But that was only half of Lehtinen’s life in Dallas.

While Stars fans will remember him most for his accolades on the ice, whether it’s winning Selke Trophies or assisting on Stanley Cup-clinching goals, away from the ice Lehtinen was a family man.

He was the model gentleman, husband, and father. And that was the Lehtinen fans got a glimpse of when the Stars retired his No. 26 and raised it to the rafters last week.

After the speech, after the congratulations from former teammates, it was all about celebrating that moment with his wife Jaana and three children (Anna, Sofia, and Joel) as the banner went up.

“That’s a moment that basically you’re with your family. Being a hockey player you need a good family,” Lehtinen said. “I’m so happy they were there, that’s special.”

It’s terribly cliched, but hockey is a family sport.

Pro hockey players don’t become pro hockey players without parents or family members willing to buy expensive equipment or pay expensive league fees. Mom and dad make early morning drives to cold rinks, and in many cases say goodbye to their child as a teenager as they head off to chase their dream and live with a billet family in a small Canadian town.

“The thing I remember most with my dad, is everyday after school I’d wait in the driveway playing road hockey by myself until he got home,” Dan Hamhuis said. “Then he’d go inside, change, and come out and we’d play and play an play … he really put so much of his time and money into me and my recreation when I was a kid.”

That’s one of the main reasons NHL teams try to give back to those parents and mentors that made a hockey career possible. The Stars just wrapped up their dad’s trip on Thursday with a swing through Las Vegas and Chicago. Fifteen players had their dads in tow as the Stars won back-to-back games against the Vegas Golden Knights and Chicago Blackhawks.

“It’s neat, my dad has been on a couple of these and it’s great to share what we do with them on this trip,” Jason Spezza said. “They have a good time, and we get a chance to give back a bit. Because you often don’t reach where we are without a strong support group.”

Spezza is one of a handful of Stars that have also seen the other side of that equation, balancing being a dad and a professional athlete.

Spezza and his wife, Jennifer, have four girls ranging between 18 months and 7 years old. In his 15th NHL season, Spezza said he had to learn quickly how to juggle the travel of an NHL schedule and being there for his kids.

“There are some benefits to and some disappointing things to it, we have a great living. But you miss your kids and our kids miss us when we go out on the road,” Spezza said. “You have to talk to kids about it, and I think they adjust and get used to it.”

Stars goalie Kari Lehtonen and his wife, Abbe, recently had their second child, a baby boy name Remi. Mikko Lehtonen, a 5-year-old that wanted to name his new baby brother “Jim Bob,” is often hanging around the Stars practice facility.

“It’s really neat,” Lehtonen said. “Now my oldest one is at the age where he knows about things and him being able to skate with me on the off days, and being able to come with me to the rink after the wins, I think it’s really neat for me. I’m sure it’s really nice for him to experience that.”

Martin Hanzal has had similar experiences with his 5-year-old son, also named Martin.

“I enjoy it, whenever I have a chance to go watch him and play on the ice I do that,” Hanzal, who also has a 3-year-old daughter named Natalie, said. “He loves playing hockey, and he loves watching us, so it’s an amazing feeling when you come home and you get to play with them and have smiles on their faces.”

Each of the players interviewed for this story were also quick to praise their wives. With dad traveling and having a unique schedule, mom is often the one doing most — if not all — of the work at home.

“You have to have a really good wife,” said Hamhuis, who has three daughters with his wife Sarah. “Because a lot gets left on her plate with road trips and stuff we to do to be ready for games. Us sleeping in and the food we eat, it’s a sacrifice on the family and especially on the wives, because even when we’re home we don’t have the easiest schedule.”

Antoine Roussel, who has a 15-month-old with his wife Alexandra, said he has to focus on being, “dad of the year in the summer,” to make up for all the time away from the house during the season.

“She takes care of the ship when we’re not here,” Roussel said. “And it’s not always easy, like we get to come to the rink and see 20 friends every day. With the kids you can’t go out and have to focus on taking care of the kid. It’s a huge commitment and she has to do most of it herself during the season.”

When the offseason does come around Spezza said it’s important that he doesn’t thrown off the balance in the house.

“I think we might screw their routines up more when we’re there in the summer,” Spezza said. “The wife in a hockey family has to be strong. A lot of times she’s the one that has to discipline the kids, she’s setting the schedule and has to keep the whole thing running. I was always say she has four kids in the season and five in the summer.”