Five Boring Free Agents the Rangers Have Not Been Connected To (but …maybe should?)

Let’s start with the ground rules: it’s entirely possible that someone has tweeted or written something about the Rangers and these free agents. It’s a big world and almost everyone has access to the internet now. We’re almost to the Infinite Monkeys At Infinite Typewriters point with sports rumors. Seriously, pick a name and there’s at least one tweet about it:

@ThreeTwoEephus why is Drew Stubbs not in consideration for open OF spot? Plus defense, plus plus speed, showed great bat control at AAA last season.

— Caelan King (@TheKing09) January 10, 2018

See?

So these suggestions probably exist somewhere. But I haven’t seen Texas connected to any of these players yet, and with the free agent market circling itself like an extremely cautious puppy, there’s a good likelihood that we’re going to see some players end up in some fairly surprising landing places.

Before you ask, yes: the inspiration for this article certainly was the news that the Milwaukee Brewers have officially offered Yu Darvish a contract.

Lastly, this is not an exciting list. The exciting list goes precisely like this: Yu Darvish, Alex Cobb, Lance Lynn, Jake Arrieta.

We know.

But there are only so many times you can type those names before you start humming them to the tune of Istanbul, Not Constantinople, by They Might be Giants: Darvish, Cobb / Jake Arrieta-Darvish / Alex Cobb, Lynn, Arrieta-Darvish / Lance Lynn, Cobb, Make one an offer, when will Scott Boras get a client work? (doot doot) Does Jake Arrieta throw a curve?

(Yes.)

Anyway, here we go: five boring free agent names I haven’t heard any Rangers rumors about, but think could fit well in Texas.

#1 Peter Moylan
Is this because I want to have an Australian with an unorthodox delivery on the team I watch for 162 games a season? 100% yes. But it’s also because Moylan has been pretty effective for his entire non-Dodgers career. Moylan pitched in 79 games last season at age 38 as a bullpen-mate of new Ranger Mike Minor. Here’s the sum total of his last three years combined: 151 games, 114⅓ innings, 3.46 ERA, 88 strikeouts, 41 walks, and 9 home runs allowed. Also, while Win-Loss records aren’t the greatest stat, it is at least interesting that Peter Moylan doesn’t have a loss on his record since September 7th, 2011, spanning 177 games.

Look, I hope I haven’t misled you: the fact that the #1 player on this list is a 39-year-old reliever should pretty well set the tone for what’s to come. I used the word “boring” in the headline. This is what we get on January 22nd.

#2 Tim Lincecum
Plot twist! Lincecum isn’t actually boring. The breadth of possibilities for Timmy goes something like this: he could win 12 games and have an ERA of around 3.00, or his arm could fall off as he allows his fourth consecutive home run in his first game back. I know the Angels experiment in 2016 did not go well, but it seems like Timmy has been, uh, putting a lot of effort into the comeback trail. For a Rangers team that desperately needs pitching, what makes more sense than signing Lincecum and seeing if it works? Martin Perez thinks he’ll be ready by Opening Day, but with a broken radial bone in his (non-throwing) elbow, there’s no guarantee. Who do you want in the rotation while Perez is putting the finishing touches on his rehab (and perhaps beyond): Ronald Herrera, or The Freak?

#3 Sergio Romo
Speaking of former Giants… the price might still be too high for Romo, but if you can get Tampa Bay Rays Sergio Romo at a Los Angeles Dodgers Sergio Romo price, that’s a nice haul. For the uninitiated, here’s the difference between the two: Dodgers Romo had an ERA of 6.12 in 25 innings in 2017. Then he was traded to Tampa Bay and rattled off a 1.47 ERA over 25 games. Oh, right, there’s also this: he’s almost 35 years old.

#4 Seung-hwan Oh
The former Cardinal is also 35, and his drop-off from 2016 to 2017 was precipitous. After striking out 103 and posting a 1.92 ERA in 79⅔ innings 2016 (his first year stateside), those numbers cratered to 54, 4.10, and 59⅓ in 2017. Does that bode well for the native of Jongeup, South Korea? Absolutely not. Does that mean you can add an affordable bullpen arm that was good as recently as a year ago? Heck yeah …probably? Heck probably? 

I could also throw Koji Uehara in here, under the “probably past his prime, but might have a little something left in the tank” category. Uehara will play at 43 years old, but/and has a longer MLB track record than Oh. He was decidedly just-okay in 2017 (50, 3.98, 43 by the three-stat line I listed above). But if you can get him for cheap? Heck probably. 

#5 Jarrod Dyson
While we’re on the topic of age being a concern, how about a 33-year-old center fielder who relies on speed and defense? Lorenzo Cain is a better fit here, but remember the premise: these are players who have not yet been connected with the Rangers in any meaningful rumors, so Cain is disqualified.

Dyson hits left-handed, which works against him in a fairly lefty-heavy lineup. But you don’t sign Jarrod Dyson to balance your lineup, you sign him to patrol center field like one of those vacuums from an infomercial that sucks up any marbles that happen to be within ten feet of it. Honestly, the Rule Five addition of Carlos Tocci probably preempts this as an option. How would one justify an un-minor-leagueable Carlos Tocci and Jarrod Dyson on the same roster?

I’ll tell you how: by setting a somewhat ridiculous premise for an article and seeing it through to its logical conclusion.