It’s not stealing signs if you buy them.

When your minor league players aren’t protected by the MLBPA and make about as much money as a carnival worker, you have to expect that some of them are going to occasionally sell off some gear to pay for whatever it is that these minor leaguers want to buy. Food? Soap? Who knows? At any rate, by now you’ve heard that one Rangers minor leaguer sold a bag and forgot to clean it out completely, thus giving away the Rangers’ Spring Training signs.

Now, it doesn’t say that these are for the upcoming Spring Training. It’s far more likely that these are from last year’s Spring Training, or even earlier. The bag might well have come from a guy who is no longer in the org, which is why he felt okay about selling a Rangers bag he knew he wasn’t going to need anymore.

Whatever the case, it’s an interesting look into the signs that a big-league club uses for Spring Training, and it’s worth taking a look at.

But whether the signs were current or not, it’s high time the Rangers (and other clubs) upgraded their repertoire of signs. After all, every team has been using the same tired old signs for decades. A tug on the ear, a swipe of the chest, a brush of the leg.

What if we started over? What signs could we add to the unspoken baseball vernacular? I have some thoughts.

Howl at the moon
SIGN FOR: time for a bench-clearing brawl
PROS: Looks way cooler than tugging on your ear, which always reminds me of Garden State.
CONS: If the stadium is loud, it might be hard to hear. Also, during day games, you have to be careful not to howl at the sun, which is bad luck and could wreck your eyes

Flail around like an inflatable used-car balloon man
SIGN FOR: knuckleball
PROS: there really aren’t any, I just want to see a catcher do it. Plus, it’s not like batters don’t know when the knuckleball pitcher is going to throw the knuckleball. Why not limber up a little before you have to dive for the incoming butterfly?
CONS: Robinson Chirinos would inevitably get injured doing this.

Vogue
SIGN FOR: This guy hits like DiMaggio (pitch around him)
PROS: Doubles as a reminder to let your body move to the music (seventh inning stretch is coming up)
CONS: there are no cons. Vogue at any time you want, people. Just not with the #9 hitter at the plate.

Thumb-to-nose, waggle fingers
SIGN FOR: Bunt with a runner on and no outs in a 3-run game
PROS: a silly gesture for a silly gesture
CONS: You tried to wave at Jose Bautista and accidentally called for a bunt.

Windmill arm (a la Pete Townshend)
SIGN FOR: It’s a Spring Training game, remind me your name again?
PROS: A fun way to break the ice. Everyone gets a good laugh and you don’t have to awkwardly mumble your best guess
CONS: The guy on third just tried to score, mid-pitching change.

Alligator Chomp (both arms, big as possible)
SIGN FOR: if this guy bunts, someone grab him and do a barrel roll
PROS: I want to see a guy get tackled on the way to first base
CONS: Rougned Odor is getting ejected.

Dirk Nowitzki fade shot
SIGN FOR: Swing away (take your shot)
PROS: Pays homage to an all-time great, shows off your still-svelte shooting form
CONS: If your shooting form is not still-svelte, you’re gonna blow out a knee doing this.

MOSH PIT!!!
SIGN FOR: It’s 0-0 and it’s the 14th inning, we are very bored over here
PROS: loosens up that 7th relief pitcher you’re about to call into the game
CONS: he is bleeding, though

Wiggling fingers beneath chin (from Little Rascals)
SIGN FOR: Perpetuate the lack of gender diversity in the sport (He-Man Woman-Haters club)
PROS: uhhhh
CONS: on second thought,